Endless HOPE, relentless JOY started with a baby boy.– for king and country
By the grace of God, I’ve always been able to separate the actions of people from the character of God. I wasn’t angry at God when my mom would hit, scream, throw and punish. I wasn’t angry at God when my dad let it happen. I wasn’t angry at God when three people who were friends and family did things to my body that no first grader should experience. I wasn’t angry at God when a man I thought I would marry would become angry at the word “no” and took what he wanted anyway. I wasn’t angry at God for anything that came with that- filing a restraining order, taking a pregnancy test and getting tested for STDs. I wasn’t angry at God when the man I did marry consumed pornography and then had to detail more egregious missteps than anything I had encountered up to that point in my life.
No, it wasn’t God. In fact, it was His character and mercy that saved me from so many consequences. I still love my parents and have a relationship with them. I wasn’t susceptible to a proposition from a stranger who said “there’s nothing wrong if it’s just talking”. When I was reeling from the shock of rape and became physically involved with another man having little care for my own safety, there was no pregnancy or STD. By so many smart people’s calculations I should be a statistic.
Don’t get me wrong. I self medicated with alcohol at a young age and had to learn that not everyone has an ulterior motive when doing something as innocent as paying me a compliment. But I can look back and see God’s mercy and grace over my life like a blanket keeping out so many more things. And that’s how I know.
JESUS has and will continue to keep me safe. Yes, there have been many unjust things done to me in my life. And you know what? Jesus was right there with me through it all. And He took it a billion steps further. He took the punishment I actually have earned through my sin and broken human-ness. I will NEVER be abandoned by God. I will NEVER experience the agony Jesus felt when the Father poured out his wrath and turned away.
In Him there truly is Endless Hope and Relentless Joy.
And it started so long ago. When my Jesus said “I will be that Hope. I will be that Joy.” He came as a baby boy to heal and restore and defend.
Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for walking in fire with me. Thank you for being Hope. Thank you for being Joy.
The sole purpose of HER Voice is to provide an opportunity for those who have walked in our shared experience of betrayal to tell their stories and open their hearts. These stories are meant to be personal testimonies from women who are still unpacking pieces of their hearts and looking to the one who is the ultimate Healer. Our God is creative and no two journeys look the same. These posts are authored by women at various places in their journey towards healing and hope, so please understand they are in process like all of us.
We encourage you to use self care when reading other’s testimonies. These blogs are not meant to “tell you how to do it,” but are meant to encourage and provide hope for others, wherever they may be in their healing process.